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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning jokes.
* Let's check in on Washington, D.C. The two warring sides are at odds with completely different agendas and are barely speaking to one another. And that's just the House and the Senate. I haven't gotten to the Democrats and Republicans yet.
* Bill Clinton slammed the "constant conflict" in Washington. There's so much conflict and divisiveness in Washington, I'm guessing it reminds Clinton of a marriage.
* President Obama visited a D.C. nonprofit Monday and helped serve lunch. I saw Obama on the news at the buffet line and thought: "Oh, my gosh. The situation in D.C. is so bleak, the president has had to take a second job."
* With all the furloughs in Washington, Obama waited on his secretary of the interior.
* Tropical Storm Octave is headed toward Baja, Calif., at 13 mph. This afternoon, it overtook a smartcar traveling at full speed.
* According to a new poll, Americans feel the best age is 50. I'm not sure who responded to the poll, but we can rule out a group of 49-year-olds a week away from celebrating their birthday.
* After hearing that 50 is the best age, a group of teenagers said: “You mean humans can actually live that long?”
* A city councilwoman in Iran is being removed from office for being too attractive. Too attractive to serve? This sounds like something the Iowa State Supreme Court would vote to uphold.
* Despite receiving a perfect score of 10, Christina Milian was voted off “Dancing with the Stars.” I'll tell you, much more of this, and I'm going to start to think this is more of a popularity contest and not a true test of dancing ability.
* Peyton Manning's success this season is expected to lead to increased endorsement deals. This means Manning will be the spokesman for the one product on planet Earth he doesn't already endorse.
* Alabama and Michigan State have canceled their scheduled 2016-17 series. The schools had no choice after East St. Cloud State and the Moreno Valley Teachers' College became available for the nonconference schedule.
* Mike Tomlin has banned pingpong in the Steelers' locker room. This makes no sense. Until Sunday, pingpong was the only thing the Steelers have won all season.
* A group of idiot Texan fans have been showing up at Matt Schaub's house to harass him. You know your season is off to a bad start when you take out the garbage and get sacked.