* * * * * * * * * *
Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning jokes.
* It was nice to see the heavy rain in eastern Nebraska on Tuesday evening. Not only did we need the precipitation, but also Bigfoot drowned.
* Omaha's Corporate Cup 10K and two-mile races are this weekend. Because it's Omaha, this is the only road race featuring orange traffic cones and three detours.
* There was a pretty good turnout in the New York City mayor's primary on Tuesday. Mostly because the voting booths are larger than the average New York City apartment.
* President Obama said Michelle Obama opposes strikes on Syria. That would've made for one interesting rebuttal to the president's speech on Tuesday night.
* The new Apple iPhone debuted Tuesday. It has more bells and whistles than other iPhones. I guess it can even change a tire for you.
* Based on the price of Apple stock, the new iPhone was received about as well as Miley Cyrus twerking at the VMAs.
* The average money left by the Tooth Fairy has climbed to $4. Not only has the pay increased, but also tooth fairies in Omaha walk away with a $9,000-per-month pension.
* The one person still getting cost-of-living raises that keep pace with inflation? The Tooth Fairy.
* A woman in Britain dislocated her jaw trying to eat a triple-patty hamburger. Attention, people in all foreign countries: Do not attempt to devour these oversized burgers. We Americans have learned through years of trial and error how to do it.
* Notre Dame concessionaires were embarrassed after passing out 50-ounce souvenir cups that read “FIGTHING IRISH.” I'm less concerned by the spelling error than by the fact that Notre Dame fans are now drinking beverages from cups bigger than Rudy.
* Regarding Johnny Manziel's taunts, Tom Brady advised he shouldn't be a "turd.” Brady immediately apologized after realizing he'd likely offended Coach Belichick.
* Kobe Bryant recently turned 35. If you're shopping for a belated gift, you probably can't go wrong with a mirror.