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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* College football season is under way. My favorite part of college football is when a coach talks about how all that really matters is education, then turns around and says his team is "150 percent ready."
* This is not a good sign. At the Big Red Breakfast on Friday, Husker coaches plan to ask if any attendees have ever played defensive tackle.
* Mayor Jean Stothert visited Chicago to discuss Omaha's bond rating. That's when you know some of our city pensions are too high -- a city employee retires and it could affect the bond rating.
* In her absence, Stothert asked former Fire Chief Mike McDonnell to march in the Labor Day parade. Well, not in so many words. She told him to take a hike.
* A student who tried to storm the field at the Iowa football game Saturday blew a .341, four times the legal limit for alcohol. You know your kid isn't getting the most out of the educational experience if their blood alcohol level is higher than their grade-point average.
* Listen up, football fans: The storming the field thing tends to work better if there's more than one of you.
* The band Motley Crue announced it will do a farewell tour in 2014. Hey, maybe after the tour, Tommy Lee will return to UNL. If I remember that show, he was only 9,500 hours shy of graduating.
* Congress is set to vote on possible Syrian strikes. This could be the first military intervention tied to a congressional pay raise.
* The U.S. Congress will decide what we do regarding Syria. With Congress voting on it, this means we could intervene in Syria as early as fall 2018.
* John Boehner said he supports President Obama's call for action in Syria. Boehner was so stoked, he then called for invading Russia to get that Super Bowl ring back from Putin.
* As the U.S. Senate debated what to do in Syria, Sen. John McCain was caught playing poker on his iPhone. If John McCain is engaged in poker what will we see when the House debates Syria? A group of representatives playing Twister?
* A controversial photo shows President Obama on the phone in the Oval Office with his foot propped on the desk. Critics say it's too casual. You think that's bad, it's just a good thing nobody photographed the hammock in Biden's office.
* A photo taken in July was just released of people in 40 countries waving at the Cassini camera on Saturn. Well, they're not all waving. New Yorkers are flipping the bird.
* If you examine the photo carefully, you can see folks in New Jersey mooning the camera, the French shaking their fists and people in Alabama making the “We're No. 1" sign.
* Dennis Rodman is visiting Kim Jong Un in North Korea again. It's a little befuddling when you consider Rodman visits North Korea more than President Obama has time to come to Nebraska.
* A scientist at the University of Bristol completed a 20-year study that, he claims, proves that some chickens are more intelligent than some humans. I think the fact this guy spent 20 years studying chickens proves his theory.
* The study asserts that some chickens are more intelligent than toddlers. What a slap in the face to “Sesame Street.”
* “Honey, was Jackson accepted into that prestigious preschool?” “No! He got beat out by that rooster that lives behind the Johnson's garage.”
* According to the same study, chickens feel empathy. Considering their combination of intelligence and empathy, our mission is clear: we must begin electing chickens to Congress.