Breaking Brad: Fast food workers going on strike! What will we do? - Omaha.com
Published Tuesday, July 30, 2013 at 8:52 am / Updated at 11:54 am
BRAD DICKSON
Breaking Brad: Fast food workers going on strike! What will we do?

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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* Quintuplets were just born in Omaha. To capitalize the Douglas County Board is trying to rush through an emergency “Pacifier tax.”

* On a CNBC “quality of life” survey, Nebraska ranks no. 4 partially due our stress-free lifestyle. So apparently driving home from work on snow-packed streets to find a notice of OPPD and property tax hikes is no longer considered stressful.

* A priceless baseball bat once owned by Jackie Robinson almost sold for $1 at a Des Moines garage sale. After learning it was a priceless Jackie Robinson bat he was trying to sell for $1, the guy holding the garage sale said: “Just a second — that'll be $2!”

* Fast-food workers around the nation are planning to walk off the job later this week. Americans have come to rely on fast food so much by day two we'll be resorting to cannibalism.

* The day after Hillary Clinton had lunch with President Obama, she had breakfast with Joe Biden. Considering how the 2016 election is shaping up, the Biden-Clinton breakfast was like a professional boxing match, only with a longer stare-down.

* This was the first political breakfast to take place inside an octagon.

* It was a prayer breakfast. Both Biden and Clinton prayed the other gets caught in a scandal.

* I'm beginning to think the media's priorities are out of whack. For instance, it was just announced that all coverage of the upcoming G20 summit in Russia will be pre-empted the first night for a two-hour special on a royal baby diaper change.

* NBC is planning a four-part mini-series on Hillary Clinton. Because of the cutbacks at NBC, Bill Clinton will be played by the actor who portrayed the veterinarian in the canceled “Animal Practice” and is still under contract.

* Congress is going to begin monitoring Detroit's finances. You thought the situation was a mess before. Soon Detroit could be $16 trillion in debt.

* Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) is calling on the U.S. to boycott the 2014 Winter Olympics to get Russia's attention. Why do we have to boycott the Olympics? Couldn't we boycott Hour 217 of ABC's royal family baby coverage instead?

* Sixty-three percent of Americans feel there has been too much coverage of the royal baby. You've spoken, America, and the media has heard you loud and clear. Tonight's scheduled coverage of the royal baby will be replaced by a two-hour special on Jennifer Aniston's latest hairdo.

* Two percent of Americans feel there hasn't been enough media coverage of the royal baby. I believe these are the same people who call the network to complain that the president's state of the union address preempted “Wipe Out!”

* Rjukan, Norway is going to use giant mirrors overhead to direct light to the town during dark winter months. If any place set up gigantic mirrors over the city I always assumed it'd be Los Angeles.

* The giant mirrors will reflect sunlight to town during dark winter months. If there's any extra money in the Omaha city budget ...

* Quoting from a new report, going on Facebook often may make you fat. According to a separate study, using Facebook can lead to divorce. The nice thing is, even after you're fat and divorced you can log on to Facebook and make it seem like you've got the best life ever.

* Construction crews in Atlanta unearthed a Civil War cannonball. A group of Confederate flag-waving SEC football fans shouted: “We told you the war wasn't over!”

* Oprah Winfrey has landed a big interview with Lindsay Lohan. Security will be extremely tight. That's mostly to keep Lindsay from walking off with Oprah's earrings.

* Finally, a smart move by Lohan. Compared to Lance Armstrong's interview with Oprah, even she's bound to come off well.

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