Breaking Brad: Anthony Weiner, the royal baby and women dancing on fire trucks - Omaha.com
Published Monday, July 29, 2013 at 9:02 am / Updated at 11:26 am
BRAD DICKSON
Breaking Brad: Anthony Weiner, the royal baby and women dancing on fire trucks

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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* There were record low nighttime temperatures in Omaha over the weekend. It was so chilly that the women dancing on top of fire trucks in our fire stations were wearing skirts all the way down to mid-thigh.

* It was so cold workers at city hall burned the new budget to stay warm.

* On Saturday Farnam Street between 13th and 19th Streets was shutdown for yoga, slam poetry and a rock climbing wall. I can picture frustrated Omaha motorists. “Yet another road closure? What's this one for? Resurfacing? A water main break? What? Slam poetry?!”

* I find it strangely appropriate when somebody recites slam poetry and then topples backward into a pothole.

* I read an article about a 92-year-old Story City, IA. woman who still works part-time at McDonald's. Republicans are calling on her to get off the government dole and find a full-time job.

* I think there's been too much media coverage of the royal baby. There's been such a media presence that Prince George thinks Barbara Walters is his mom.

* Personally, I find all the attention given the new royal baby to be embarrassing. And I say this as a resident of a city where thousands of people once gathered en masse to see Lady Gaga exit a radio station.

* Monday Hillary Clinton is scheduled to have lunch with President Obama at the White House in Obama's private dining room. It's part of the president's “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer” policy.

* Apparently after learning how much Mrs. Clinton is being paid per speech, Obama set up the lunch which is $75,000 per plate.

* Nancy Pelosi's message to fellow Democrat Anthony Weiner: “Get a clue.” And this is a woman so intensely loyal to Democrats she once split her head open after hitting it on the House ceiling jumping up after Obama made a point during a state of the union speech.

* A sobering new statistic - former congressman and current New York mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner has been involved in more scandals than the current Congress has passed bills.

* Weiner says he chatted with six to 10 women altogether. What a strange world we live in when we can tell within a centimeter how close an asteroid will pass to Earth, but Weiner has to estimate the number of women he chatted with at “six to 10.”

* Eliot Spitzer is leading the New York City comptroller's race and Anthony Weiner is a contender in the mayoral race. I'm trying to confirm the new New York license plates will read: “Where Elected Officials Don't Where Pants.”

* If both Spitzer and Weiner win election New York City will be known by its new nickname “Sodom and Gomorrah North.”

* There is speculation that President Obama won't bail out bankrupt Detroit. In an effort to get celebrity obsessed Obama to change his mind the city may officially change its name to “Joy Behar's Detroit.”

* According to an article Michelle Obama gets up earlier in the morning than does Barack Obama. I'm not sure the nation can handle the concept of a president rolling over when his wife gets up and mumbling “Another hour.”

* Secretary of State John Kerry is attempting to lower expectations for future Middle East peace talks. At this point isn't that a little like trying to dampen enthusiasm for the next Nickelback album and the Cubs' World Series chances?

* The U.S. Congress is debating something called the “Jay-Z and Beyonce Bill” which either concerns travel to Cuba or regulates rappers-turned-sports agents whose wives lip sync the national anthem.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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